Relationship Rescue: 4 Things You Must Know to Solve Relationship Problems
You may disagree, but hear me out on this. The world is full of people who live miserable lives because of fears. It affects all their relationships: family, romantic, casual, business.
Spouses fear each other. Children fear parents and teachers. Employees fear bosses. People stay in abusive relationships because of fear.
If a person is afraid or experiencing an inferiority complex, they will commonly attack others, either verbally or, less often, physically. If you see someone writing harmful or hurtful words about another, you can rest assured the writer is fearful and feeling inferior.
Here is the Lori Prokop Relationship Advice which will provide most any relationship help.
Lori Prokop Relationship Rescue #1:
Can a relationship problem be solved by guiding another who feels shy, afraid or inferior to healing? Relationship rescue could happen when people discover healthy ways to feel better and improve their view of themselves.
You can be guaranteed in every group there are those who suffer from the inferiority complex. You may be surprised to discover who they are. Often they are the loudest talkers and strongest attackers who use this behavior to cover up their own inferior feelings.
Identify a person feeling an inferiority complex and show him or her kindness — while staying out of an abusive relationship. This will help that person feel better while helping you feel better too.
Lori Prokop Relationship Rescue #2:
Be your real self. You are unique and valuable, just as you are right now. You are the only one of you that exists. Do not imitate or try to be like others. This is a sure sign of weakness and inferiority complex.
Solve your relationship problem by being yourself and make your own heart-based decisions.
Lori Prokop Relationship Rescue #3:
Choose 100% Pure Love. Now that may sound too airy-fairy for you. After all, you may be a "professional" with an image to uphold. You may be a tough person who fears appearing weak by choosing to live at the upper levels of your Life Guidance System.
The strongest, most successful people, who help the world the most, have chosen to live at the highest level of their Life Guidance System, which is 100% pure light and love.
But isn't that out of reach for most "average" people? How could anyone really live a day-to-day life and choose 100% pure love?
The strongest people have realized learning to love others immediately resolves fear. Love casts out fear. You don't have to love what others do. It means you love them, as they are with all their flaws and weaknesses. You love others even when they are at their worst. It doesn't mean you say their pathetic behavior is acceptable to you. Rather, it says regardless of how pathetic or lost a person is, they are worthy of love. It is a being of love you energetically send to another rather than co-dependent love.
This being of love gives you inner strength. The more you generate genuine love for others, the less you will feel inferior in their presence. The easier your relationship with them will feel to you, even whether it stays or ends.
Lori Prokop Relationship Rescue #4:
Pray for your enemies. The greatest of leaders do this. It doesn't mean these great leaders do not act to resolve issues. Rather, before acting, they send intentions of 100% pure love to their enemies.
After all, those causing relationship problems were to "find the light" and stop the harmful, destructive behavior, the relationship problem would resolve. Great leaders want situations resolved.
Send healing energy to your enemies with the intentions they will choose higher level, more loving emotions and stop their destructive patterns. It actually and amazingly works.
Learn how to heal abuse, resolve conflict without giving in, have more love and create what you want. Lori Prokop presents workshops nationwide on how to create what you want in your life and manifest your desires. Free Special Report at www.howtohealabuse.com contains your Life Guidance System, shows how past experiences can create what you don't want in your life and how to overcome the roadblocks to create what you want. Also get 3 Free ($87 value) ebooks at www.lori-prokop.com
Surviving the StepFamily
After eleven years of marriage I am a very happily married man in a "stepfamily," otherwise known as a blended family. But to reach this point my wife and I have had the strength of our marriage tested time after time and it still continues. From the day of our wedding, I realized just how different it is living in a stepfamily.
To survive and have a successful marriage is no easy task. Stir in children from a previous marriage, ex-spouses, ex-in-laws, and the extra baggage from previous relationships and you will realize just how different the stepfamily is. Each of these ingredients can bring with it a whole set of problems themselves that need to be dealt with.
This first thing to understand about a stepfamily is that it is not the same as a "traditional" family unit. Each stepfamily has its own set of variables, whether there are intrusive ex-spouses or ex-in-laws, young stepchildren, older stepchildren, the list goes on and on.
My personal situation was that my wife had two children each from her two previous marriages and I had two children from a previous marriage. Neither of my children lived with us, though my son would stay with us for a couple of months at time. So we started out with six children between us. If that wasn't enough to put a stress on a marriage, my wife and I had a child and then we had seven.
There are several important things that I learned during my marriage that I feel would be helpful to pass on to others who are either already a part of a step family or are planning on marrying into one.
There are three elements that are key to surviving in a step family. Two elements are communication and mutual support between the spouses. Additionally, the highest priority throughout the marriage must be the marriage itself. Remembering that at some point in time, all the children will move on to their own lives. Without all of these elements trying to survive is difficult at best.
The communication must be genuine and productive. Grip sessions almost always tend to be counter-productive – avoid them. Communication is productive when you can mutually reach a happy medium. Don't be afraid to discuss hard issues. Avoiding them only leads to more problems.
One of the most significant issues that will need to be discussed is the disciplinary role. Whatever is decided, it will need to be agreed and actively supported by both spouses. Sometimes a spouse will put his or her own children's interest first. It is often, because of the guilt for the experience the children had to suffer through during the divorce and its aftermath. But to do this is to put the marriage itself at risk.
Many parents want to overprotect their children instead of expressing an assurance that they will endure. Over-Indulging children will create its own set up problems for the marriage. The parent needs to convey an optimistic attitude to the children. Don't try to rescue the children. Give them time to adjust to the stepfamily.
How well the relationship is between a stepparent and the stepchildren will depend upon everyone involved. The relationship between the stepparent and stepchildren will take time to develop. You can neither force nor rush the relationship. It will have to develop on its own. At times it will seem to go forward five steps, but at other times it will seem to go back ten. During these times you have to be prepared for numerous tests of patience and inner strength.
You may hear the words that most stepparents have heard at one time or possibly numerous times "You are not my father. I don't need to listen to you!!" Be ready to be left out of conversations, be the "Invisible Man" (ignored), be left out of events with your stepchildren and shots taken at you just to see how you will react.
However, through all of this time there must be an ongoing mutual respect between stepparent and stepchildren. The other spouse must support the mutual respect. Through all of this the parent must be ready to do their part as a mature adult, as emotion riddled as the times may get. At all times, you will need to pay attention to the needs of the children. Again, without over-indulging the children.
It is not an easy task to build a relationship with anyone, but when you try to do it with children who may be apathetic in the best of cases or totally antagonistic on the other hand....it is truly a tough scenario.
So is it all negatives? Not necessarily. It can be heaven or hell depending upon how you deal with the issues of a step family. It takes work and sacrifice to have a happy stepfamily. But the rewards can be outstanding. I know...I am receiving those rewards now.
Does Adult Attention Deficit Disorder Affect a Relationship?
Do you know someone who has AADD? If yes, do you treat him like an ordinary person or do you treat him with a more understanding point of view in each and every task he is into?
Let's begin with the definition Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (AADD) which is the common terminology for the psychiatric condition currently known as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), also known as attention deficit disorder (ADD), when it occurs in adulthood. Although the exact prevalence in adults is unknown, epidemiologic studies thus far reveal that the condition, marked by inattentiveness, difficulty getting work done, procrastination, or organization problems, probably exists in about 2-4% of adults. The condition persists to adulthood in about half of children diagnosed with the disorder.(source: http://www.wikipedia.org (definition of ADDD) )
When someone is known to have ADD the following symptoms can be observed from them like chronic lateness and forgetfulness, anxiety, low self-esteem, employment problems, difficulty controlling anger, impulsiveness, substance abuse or addiction, poor organization skills, procrastination, low frustration tolerance, chronic boredom, difficulty concentrating when reading, mood swings, depression and relationship problems.
Now that I have cited some of the symptoms, I would like to set forth my own experience with my present boyfriend who has ADD. In our six months together I have impeccably dealt with his problems regarding this disorder. When we were still in the "getting-to-know-each-other" stage he already informed me that he has mild ADD. I was taken abashed with this remark and thought that this person is absurd. But I then realized what a judgmental freak I turned out to be, and to the fact that I was a BS Psychology graduate. My boyfriend too, graduated in college with the same course and he knew of his having ADD when he took a Psychological test in College in one of our subjects "Psychological Testing" and the interpretation revealed that he had 10 out of 14 symptoms in the year 2004.
One of the symptoms that he has, in which I hated the most is his difficulty of controlling his anger. When he's angry, he just couldn't keep it to himself, he is so impatient at all times and sometimes he even bawls out on me even when we're in public. Other symptoms that he has are employment problems, poor organization skills, procrastination, low frustration tolerance, chronic boredom, difficulty concentrating when reading, mood swings and depression. Imagine trying to make a relationship work with these negative traits in a person.
Does ADD affect a relationship?
Yes. ADD does affect a relationship. First and foremost, if a person has either one or two of these symptoms, it is already hard to deal with it, what more if he had 10. The key to surviving a relationship where one has ADD is comprehensive understanding of who he is. From the moment you set foot on the said relationship there should be what we call total acceptance of everything your partner might be. You should concentrate on his "other" traits than to aggragate on the symptoms of ADD. One should learn that in order to make the relationship work, there should be a lot of sacrifices to be made.
If you value the relationship that you have, you must learn to be patient with him. Sometimes, he doesn't realize that he is doing it again, try not to make it sound like you're a mommy telling his son to stop what he's doing, better yet I would suggest you to whisper to him to stop whatever he is doing to avoid bawling and things like that. In so many situations a person with ADD would not mind himself whenever he does one of the symptoms. He may or may not be aware of the fact that he cannot stop it. Try to help him in any way you can by suggesting him to seek medical help if ever his behavior is becoming disruptive or by helping him find something worth doing during free time. You can also help him to stay calm like when he's angry or very impatient on something, you can tell him to inhale and exhale ten times, I'm sure it'll work because I've done that before and it actually helped him calm himself. Try to suggest him to train himself to organize his things by having a to-do list, but if he insists try to talk him into it and tell him that these things that you do are doing is for him and not for yourself.
Here's an advice, if you let it bother you, you'll end up breaking up with your guy. But if you really love him you'd better start accepting, understanding and caring for him no matter how hard it would take. I do treat him like an ordinary person, but when it comes to some situations I have to treat him with more understanding and patience.
For sometime now, six months, that I have been with my boyfriend who has ADD I've come to an awareness that I'll be dealing with this tantrum for good. I mean, if I've done it for half a year, maybe a couple more years wouldn't hurt.
REFERENCES:
http://ericec.org
http://familydoctor.org
http://www.webmd.com
http://www.psychpage.com
http://www.fda.gov
http://www.reference.com
http://www.wikipedia.org (definition of ADDD)